It's a bit of a puzzle, this thing called life. Perhaps we think we know what pieces we need to solve the puzzle. We may think we know where to get them. And we even manage to get them, those necessary pieces. Or most of them. Or at least some of them. But then there's a problem. Those pieces just don't fit together. They don't actually work the way they are supposed to. Not for long.
Surely the problem here can't be that hard.
Like the problem on some far-away planet. Seemed simple enough. The good old Galactic Council picked on a few handy Earth folk to fix it. Sent them to fix that one simple problem. The wrong simple problem. Because our ordinary Earth folk found a bunch of problems there. Real problems. Important problems. Problems that look a bit too much like the ones our stumbling heroes left behind at home.
With there being a bunch of big problems, surely someone would at least notice them. You would think. But their misguided hosts are oblivious.
This book could be an inquiry into what the real problems might be, the problems with the pieces in our lives, the pieces in our society, that are just not fitting together.
Or, it could just be an amusing and entertaining story. Whatever it is, it's not science fiction. 😜
Not entirely satisfied with yourself? Wish you could do some self-improvement? And we are talking about real self-improvement here, meaningful and permanent physical and mental changes for the better. Ones that stick. Not ones that fade like last week.
You're not alone. But it's tough. So, what about a whole planet that needs improvement? No, not this one. It's some other planet somewhere. It needs improvement. According to the Galactic Council, that is. It's not properly organised. Again, according to the Galactic Council. If improving one person is hard enough, how do you improve a whole planet? Well, if you are the Galactic Council you call on your proven, intrepid Earth-based agents to help out. Of course.
Could anything go wrong? Hmm. Could they possibly succeed? Seems unlikely. If our agents do somehow find out how - how to improve that planet, could it work here too? Could we learn from their tale? Also seems unlikely. In the extreme.
Which probably makes this just another amusing and entertaining story. Whatever it is, it's still not science fiction. 😜
OK. So, one of the good guys got killed. I know, that's not supposed to happen. But since it did happen, who to blame? You might think the author is a likely suspect.
But our intrepid Earth-based agents of the Galactic Council know who the real culprit is. You'll never guess. Because you'll never guess, I'm going to tell you. It was the Galactic Council itself! At least that's what one of our agents has decided.
You may think you don't need to read this book now. But if you don't, you will miss out on finding out where the actual home planet of the Galactic Council is, what happens to that other character with the funny name, and other stuff that will hopefully interest a reader somewhere.
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I don't know what it is
So, there's this guy at the bus stop, see. He's talking to some other guy, seems a bit excited. So I'm kind of eaves-dropping. Just in case. The first guy's saying to this other guy, "Have you ever felt like someone's watching you? You know - observing?" The other guy gives him this look and mutters something. Then the first guy says, "You have? Me too." The other guy's saying something else I don't hear. He's kind of walking away, see? Now the first guy's kinda shouting at him, "What? No, not wrinkly Mrs Taylor with her mangy one-eared mutt that piddles on your boots. I'm talking about a trans-dimensional being that ... that ..."
But that other guy's outa there. Now the first guy turns around and spots me.
Next thing, he's saying to me, "Never mind, at least you're still here. You see, I found this thing, kind of glassy. Lots of colours that kind of flicker when you move it. You know. Anyway, I took it to work. Brighten the place up a bit. You know how it is. Handy to put my coffee on too. So, one day I leave my coffee in front of that AI translator for ancient writings the brainiacs keep fussing over. This is what came out, eh?"
He's holding up this great wad of paper. Looks harmless.
I'm saying, "What's that?"
He's saying, "It's from the translator."
So I'm saying, "Is it science fiction, or something?"
Now he's giving me a look and he's saying, "No, it ain't science fiction. Check it out for yourself."
I don't like the way he's staring at me and I don't want trouble, so I go to take those pages, see. But he snatches them back to his chest and his other hand sticks a USB drive in front of my nose. I get home and give it a read over the weekend. It's ... look I got no idea what it is. So I upload it. See if you can work out what it is.
I still don't know what it is
My bus stop guy knows I uploaded his book, or whatever it is. I still don't know what it is. I see him there sometimes - at the bus stop, see.
So now he has given me another one. Another USB drive with a book on it. I gave it a read. It's bit like the first book. But different. It's kind of about these guys on another planet who do chemical experiments on themselves. To be better them.
But I don't think it's science fiction. Another thing it's not, is another one of those self-improvement books.
Too many of those already, I say. Who wants another one?
OK, you're right. So everyone wants another one, apparently. They sell like steak gelatos at a puppy dog's picnic. But this isn't one of those books. And it's not a gelato. So it's not for sale. Whatever it is, it's yours for nothing. If you download it.
Enough already
Are you still with me? Great. Well done for hanging in there. Because this is the last one. The way I see it, the whole report or study or whatever is done. Submitted for marking. No revisions allowed.
There won't be any sequels, see. Or prequels. Or any other spin-offs. Even if bus-stop guy comes up with another USB, it's going in the bin.
At least in this one we get to find out a bit about that Galactic Council. Not what you're thinking, I bet.
Actually, I won't bet. I always lose. At least I'm starting to learn.
A back cover? Does it even want one?
Of course not. Books don't want things.
But people do.
Why does anyone have all those wants? Not because they wanted them, and then got them. All those wants - they are nothing but trouble. Think about it. Life could be much easier without them. You know it's true. Oh sure, they help keep the species going. In the same way that a traffic light helps your car go fast.
If you had a choice, would you choose the wants you have? Maybe not. Not if you thought about it. All that trouble, eh?
But surely that's crazy. How can you not want your wants?
And what would happen if you didn't?
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